Life Expectations – How to get out of a bad mood.

 

Do you ever get in a bad mood and it seems so deep that you can’t get out of it? It happens to me and when it does, it’s difficult for me and the people in my life.
It happened recently so I did some research and I simplified a way to get out of a bad mood in three steps.

Step 1 –Reflect on what is causing you mental pain and why?

Many times we answer quickly with our busy mind, you will get better insight if you pause and listen to the deep voice within you.

Take a couple of deep breaths, relax, if it’s safe you can close your eyes.

What is causing you mental pain?

Why is it causing you pain?

What do you say to yourself when you think of this area?

Boil it down to a short sentence or two.

Pause and write it down.

I will give you an example from my life, something that just happened regarding this project. I had this idea of doing a series of self development videos that are clear and simple, I choose topics that I find help me and hopefully help others too. 

Even during quarantine with the extra time, I kept procrastinating, being lazy and the project wasn’t happening, I found that I was getting irritable and in a bad mood.

When I reflected on why this was bringing me down so much I realized that it was because I was disappointed with myself for not getting motivated and doing the project.

Step 2

Almost any time that we are unhappy it is because our expectations are not met. In other words, our life expectations do not match what is happening in actual life.

We can express it like this:

Life Expectations ≠ Actual Life
Sometimes it’s our own expectations and sometimes it’s other people’s expectations of us.

See is you can identify your life expectations in the area.

Go beyond your busy mind, go deeper, listen to the wisdom of your inner voice.

Take a couple deep breaths, relax.

What are your life expectations in this area? 

What do you wish or hope for in this area?

Pause and write it down.

Now look at the other side of the equation, what is happening in real life. Be honest with yourself. Listen to the deep voice within.

What is actually happening in real life in this area?

Pause and write it down.

Do you see how your – Life Expectations ≠ Actual Life?

In my example:

Life Expectations = A video series on self development that helps myself and others.

Actual Life = Nothing is happening because I keep procrastinating and being lazy.

In my case:

Life Expectations ≠ Actual Life

Step 3

Remember almost any time we are unhappy, it’s because: 

Our Life Expectations do not equal our Actual Life.

In this step we will bring them into better balance. The question is how? Once again, let’s go deeper and listen to our inner voice.

Take a couple of deep breaths, relax.

Think about your life expectations in this area. 

Ask yourself, are they serving you?

Are they even your expectations or does someone else in your life have expectations of you?

Are your life expectations bringing you peace?

Are they making you happy?

If the answer is yes, keep them, if not, reflect on how you can adjust and change your life expectation in this area.

What life expectations bring you peace and joy?

Pause and write down your new life expectations.

Now let’s look at what is happening in Actual Life. 

Are you satisfied with that?

Is this what you truly want for your life to look like in this area?

Breath, relax, reflect on this.

Listen to your deep inner voice, there is wisdom in you.

If you are not satisfied with the way things are going in your life in this area, can you come up with an action plan to change things?

Slow down, quiet the mind.

 

Pause and write it down.

In my example, when I reflected on my life expectations I realized they were not giving me peace. I was pushing myself to get things done and I was disappointed and upset when I wasn’t meeting my expectations. 

I decided to change my life expectations in this area. 

My new life expectations are that this is a passion project and I don’t have to do anything and there is no deadline.

This may sound like I was giving up on this project but these new expectations had an immediate impact on me.

First my bad mood immediately lifted, I felt lighter, I was happier, it was a big relief to be free of the negative thoughts in this area.

The second thing was that I started working on this project, it was now a fun, passion project once again and found joy working on it.

In this example I changed my life expectations, but in other areas I may change actual life.

Here is a quick example that I believe many of us have. I want to be fitter and in better shape, but these life expectations do not match actual life where I often don’t exercise or eat as well as I should.

In this case when I reflect on my life expectations, I like them, I do want to be fit and in good shape. 

So I looked at actual life and I chose to start a new exercise and food plan. I set up a weekly accountability call with a friend to keep me on track. 

In this case I chose to change actual life. Sometimes you can adjust both sides of the equation.

Reflect and listen to your deep inner voice the answer will come.

I hope this was helpful and I wish you lots of joy and peace.